please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
