Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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