mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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