if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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