um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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