There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
