Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
