sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
