in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
