i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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