JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
