when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Someone signed my nipple.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
