As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
