I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
