Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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