Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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