Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
