____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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