Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
