Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
