Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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