first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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