omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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