Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He felt like a one man threesome
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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