that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Ladies don't puke and tell
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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