I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wish I only lived at night.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
