She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
