I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
