So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
