last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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