I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize