i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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