he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
