I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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