he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
