I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
