Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
