can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
