I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
