bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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