Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
