cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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