What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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