So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
