think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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