I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
