So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize