Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Life is so much better after having sex.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
