i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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