I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
